Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Not a dam. Won't deny egress.
This locked jaw though, held open by your thumb and index finger; method you're using to gavage. I'm not growing. Just dimpled here now.
''Everything you find is tied, packaged, wrapped in something, inside something else--tattered clothing wrapped in itself, broken objects that crumble as you unwrap them, the porcelain handle of a demitasse, ribbons from a First Communion sash, things saved for the sake of saving, packing, tying, preserving this static, reiterative community that never lets you in on its secret, Mother Benita, because it's too cruel for you to bear the notion that you and I and the old women who are still alive and those who are dead, and all of us, are tied up in these packages you want to force a meaning from because you respect human beings.''
Imagining all these deaf people, falling asleep with boom boxes on their chests, loud, they can feel the vibrations, their feet move to the small poundings they feel in between the sets. It is. They drool.
Nam Sibyllam quidem Cumis ego ipse oculis meis vidi in ampulla pendere,
et cum illi pueri dicerent: "Σίβυλλα, τί θέλεις;" respondebat illa: "ἀποθανεῖν θέλω".
Yelling 'I'm a damn dog now.' over. So many times they are trying to get her off. Trying to make her just please be quiet.
Water Moccasin. Mock a Sin.
We are Melvil Dui's children. He's won.
His cuff links chosen before the age of 19, large "R"s for "reform" an obsession with this affected effectiveness. In his lifetime sought to 'reform' 1. Library Cataloging/Organizational Systems 2. Metric System (introduction of) 3. Amendments to the English Language
At fourteen he joined the Templars. At fifteen he began a diary, and on his birthday noted he was five feet five "and a fourth" inches tall, weight 120 pounds, and was worth $125.00" He decides on Lindsley's Tacigraphy, his goal, so many so amendments to this english orthography favoring modifications like dropping the silent "e," using the "u" in any word with a long "u" sound and substituting "if" for "ph."
"He gave orders to destroy the filthy labyrinth of adobe, of galleries and corridors and patios and storerooms, it was necessary to undo the supports that had grown with the years, demarcating and humiliating the neat order of the four courts destined for his son. To accommodate Boy's servitors, pavilions were to be built that were to be scattered around the park the child was never to know. He had all the trees cut down whose tops could be seen from inside the house...
...Besides, he had the last court closed off with a solid wall, the court with the pond, and at the head of this rectangular pond he put up a Huntress Diana in gray stone carved according to his stipulations: humpbacked with acromegalic jaw and crooked legs, carrying her quiver on her hump and the new moon on her wrinkled forehead. He decorated the rest of the courts with other stone monsters: the nude Apollo was conceived as a likeness of the future adolescent Boy's hunchbacked body and features, with gargoyle nose and jaw, asymmetrical ears, harelip, disproportionate arms and an enormous dangling sex organ that, from the cradle, drew ohs and ahs of admiration from the nurses. As he grew, Boy was to recognize his own perfection in the Apollo's, and his sexual instincts, on awakening, would discover the Huntress Diana's figure, or a Venus pitted by smallpox who had a rear end of fantastic proportions that was ruined by cellulitis, who romped suggestively in a cavern of ivy...
...Don Jeronimo saw to all these details, because nothing around Boy must be ugly, mean or ignoble. Ugliness is one thing. But monstrosity is something else again, something of a significance that was equal but antithetical to the significance of beauty and, as such, it merited similar prerogatives. Monstrosity was the only thing Don Jeronimo de Azcoitia would set before his son from birth on."
Uh, relinquishing. Uh, taping sounds of the wind, loud, stilted. Buckling. To layer this. Playful about a hurt. A layer of reeds in between the thighs collecting what falls from your pelvis throughout the day. A clear ring of this preoccupied monument's space; here. I have a small needle hiding in the skin between neck and collar bone, creating a flap of exposed unbled space.