Thursday, April 8, 2010

"Sib", Samira Makhmalbaf

Sixth grade. Boy in my percussion class. He had blonde hair and he was a little bit too light maybe. He said Hey Miss can I please go to the bathroom? Please. I feel real bad. She said No. Play. He tried to play something small. Maybe it was moon river or lean on me. But I wish I knew didn't ask. Only two notes. He threw up all over his xylophone. It was metal and the puke was moving over the keys. A year later I kissed him by this flower pot that scared me a lot. Maybe his mouth still tasted real bad. I don't know.

How did you meat your friend? I was walking down the street kicking this plastic bag. And then I put my finger in my mouth and my stomach started to hurt. Then I saw her walking past me.

Had this liquor all brown with maybe some KOOL cig flakes floating around it. Started to learn that if I put my pinky in it and then ran it across my upper gums, just the line of the gums, not farther up even. That everything would go numb. You say yeah like something else. Like what. What are you talking about. Wave your hand away. Don't want to say. Walked away wanted more but maybe I would just get a bad throat sore.

Once my cousin and I were at this Kmart. She was trying on a purple jumper. Maybe it was kulats. She said come in the dressing room with me. I said no. Real scared of her. She said if you don't I will hit you. Went inside. She tried the thing on but before she showed me her tight fist right below her hip and then punched me. She knocked the wind out of me. I cried. If you make noise I'm just going to hit you again. I made a noise when I caught my breath. She knocked the wind out of me four more times maybe. She said you look stupid. I looked in the mirror she was right I guess. I tried to get out of the room. She said why would you even bother to talk about it?, it's just not even a big deal it could be a lot worse a lot of worse things happened to me than to you. Yeah. Because I knew she was wrong and right but I just never really explained my whole self. Not really such a big deal. In the car ride home they played this song it was going like 'Seems like everybody's got a plan, It's kinda like Nashville with a tan' on the radio it was too low to hear it good. But I thought it was pretty. My cousin had a lot of mums with white ribbon in her room. She told me I could not touch them.

Dreamt. Shin deep in this water that was amber colored, thought it was blood for a minute, but then it was maybe a kind of metal I decided. Kids were playing with me. "Don't get your knees in. Don't get your knees in yet. We are going to climb the rock." I wanted to stay in the water and felt this sand underneath the water wrapping around my ankles. I was somewhere in a desert.
I was walking past a church across the street from a Wal-Mart. These kids were wearing very large shirts and they were on the roof, where the steeple is. They were shooting up and doing it wrong it made them crawl around real weird like maybe someone had put some cement on their knees. They saw me and stared down at me, they got in this formation of a line together, they were holding the syringes between their thumb and middle fingers and rocking them gently back and forth. The sun was bright so I had my hand over my eyebrows. They dropped them together. Two of the needles fell into my in left shoulder. Another one grazed my tit. I got Lawk Jaw.

Man of limbs on corner. Dancing got a blister on his inner thigh I am betting he is moving against himself so hard. Most beautiful moonwalk you have ever seen. Maybe his hips you know they are sticking out so taut against the skin so he is a caricature of himself while he moves in sharp thrusts. Points to a yellow Hummer, licks his upper lip cuz he's so proud.
He should be proud.

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