Saturday, August 29, 2015

Coeur De Lion - Ariana Reines p. thirty seven


You jack off all day

Do you ever visualize

Yourself on the planet?

Do you ever feel pinned

Down geographically when you fuck

Do you ever feel so 

Singular, an emergency

Never more precisely

Enormous or tiny

As who and what

You are? In exact

Proportion to yourself

As huge as your limitedness

Will let you get, no excess,

And in the midst of so much

Sensation you could break 

Apart? Not just from the feeling

But from the terrible


Does sex ever make 

You feel so specific

And alone, Jake, that your heart

Could break?"

No direction in front of the theater. These two girls are lying against a building and against each other. Dirty. I expect they have big guts. 100 degrees. Scream laughing play fighting dripping warm yogurt on each other.  So endeared to them. I feel old.

Went alone. Really cold inside right. Watch 2001: A Space Odyssey with a sharp urinary tract infection. Is all the graceful weightless twisting, the metal-white, the gaping and the collection of those gestures turning me on? Or do I just need to piss bright orange for the 5th time in an hour. Yeah.

I lose all those internal suicide bets with myself, each time, since 5. But I'm still here. Any sense of personal honor, that wouldn't work. Hapless gambler owing all the time.

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